And then there was one

and his words fell like flowers, through the air, and I collecting each, one by one, in my heart, so they can forever bloom in my soul ♥ ♥ ♥

but then, reaching deeply, he plucked my blooms, leaving thorns to brace the gaps, until my soul fell like tear drops through the spaces

I have been silent for awhile now. Not long after I commenced with Operation: Rodentus Eradicatus, my boyfriend sent me a text saying he was coming to see me. I was literally jumping out of my skin with joy. In fact, I even posted a blog to that extent. But a few hours later, I sat grieving as he texted, yes I said texted, me saying it was over. I have heard nothing from him since, nor will I. One of the first things I did was delete my last posting. There was no way I could see that reminder of how happy I had been only hours earlier. And as my pieces started to scatter, I cried. I analyzed, conjectured, pondered, questioned why he would do this to me this way. It's not the loss of the relationship, though that wounds me deeply and perhaps always will. It's not the loss of the friendship, though I will always mourn that loss. He knew me better than anyone has ever known me. He looked at my sum, decided my worth, and found me lacking. His actions say I do not deserve compassion. I do not deserve courtesy, respect, or even a simple explanation. And to be fair, because I see no reason to stoop to his level, I have felt this coming. From him, from me, it doesn't really matter. There were a lot of factors, and I had thought of ending it myself more than once due to these factors. But not this way. A face to face talk wouldn't have been practical with the distance. But I would have at least called him. I would have explained my reasons. I would have given him that respect. Then again, I love him, and a lack of feeling wouldn't have been the reason. There are people who touch your heart that will always be there, and he is one of mine. Over time, that love will change into something more easily pushed into the background. It will mellow with age, and one day I will be able to recall those feelings with fondness, glad that I was one of the lucky ones to have felt that kind of love...even though it was most obviously not returned. And I know that if, in 10 years or even 20, he were to call me in need, I would go to him. That passionate love may be gone, but love would bring me back to him, to give what I could toward his happiness and success. He can never have me back. All the love in the world can't heal the breach of trust I worked so hard to build. I truly hope he finds happiness in what he's decided, because I do love him and I love him enough to always want the best for him, even if that means I'm not a part of it. But I'm turning his page, and I'm going to keep writing my story.